nothing like an uberproductive monday to get you going. rejuvenation. or however you spell that.

revolution

just feel like listening to some music tonight, when, as usual, i should be doing something else. sometimes, you run into a little lyrical equivalent of your life. tonight, courtesy the wood brothers, a glimpse into my current state of being.

and when i fall
i'm back again
just to slip on the same mistakes
and slide right back in.

ah, amii.

1. i think i have cured (?) myself from certain attachments, real or imagined, when a conversation resurfaces all emotions that i thought i was over.
2. i think i have reached a level of confidence and self-realization, when a fantastic single night that has to end turns all of the confidence i have built up back to self-doubt and insecurity.
3. i think i have finally reached a maintenance level, and too much topples down upon me.

three unrelated topics. one related theme. at least i know that i will be back again.

are you calling to me? do i have to wait? is this the cough medicine talking?
seriously... throw me a line. give me a clue. let me know.
i can't wait for a new day, a new month, a new experience.

i sense a long span of having nothing to look forward to. september, could you please arrive more quickly before i become a workaholic, or alcoholic, or both?

the kid is crying

... in the next room. headphones are required to get work done tonight. blergh.

why sometimes do my sister's kids go right to bed, and some nights it is like the worst thing that has ever happened to them before? i can blame it on activity level for the day / sugar intake / scary dreams they think they might have / something, but...

maybe there is a little monster that lives in jonesy's closet that only comes out to scare him when i have to get work done. the little monster is silent if i have a night where i want to veg out on the patio and listen to music. the little monster is only awakened if she senses that the internet connection is in use and microsoft outlook is in full use.

ah, that makes so much more sense.

conversations

have been on one end of a great number of amazing conversations recently.

i have never considered myself a great deep talker. more of a great conversationalist. i can keep the words flowing, mostly through leading questions and whatnot. i have always been amazing at striking up a conversation with a random person, or a casual friend, or a lifelong friend, and keeping it interesting. i think it comes with a combination of being friendly and trying to see what i can learn about someone before they consider me to be invading their territory.

those deep, deep conversations are few and far between. those conversations where you talk about where your life is going, or where it isn't going, maybe why you are in the current state that you are in and whether you want to leave it or not. i have had to pull a few of those out as of late. and i say pull those out in the nicest sense possible. these are the types of talks where you really have to work at it, think about the next sentence coming out of your mouth, only use humor when the situation is breaking over the edge of sadness to ensure that the conversation will continue to reach a resolution.

perhaps it is just one of those months, where people need you to lead them to make the decision they knew in their gut anyway. a reassuring voice, someone to help them talk through some things. ah, damn adulthood.